What's left?

The childhood is gone and what could have been the best moments of my life they never will be back.

Youth, it’s also leaving and with it is leaving behind all the human connections I used to have. 

Times in which I used to share the amazing moments I lived are getting smaller as time goes by. 

You are smart but nor as skilled as you used to be in your golden years, and the worst thing of everything is you didn’t know those were your golden years, you didn’t even notice them.

Time is something you can measure, but definitely it’s something you can’t control and time is one of those things is determined to throw on your face how you have wasted your life dwelling around about the same stupid things. You spent most of your time trying to please people you don’t even know instead of hearing your own needs and making every single possible thing to please yourself.

The clothing you buy, you buy it because you’ve been told to by the people around you and you may look disastrous but you feel realized because you are one of them one more of the rest who melt in the river of banality. 

The things you’ve chosen to do probably might be just the outcome from another market trend. 

It’s hard to me to be down on earth enough to understand I’ve been part of that sick stream that only have made a big hole in my brain.

Digging out is the hardest thing to do.

The Y path

I’m crazy, I really think I do.

Sometimes is even hard for me to believe the things that cross my mind, the things I do, and the skilled way in which I seem to release myself from those uncomfortable situations.

Well sometimes I say to myself, it is ok you are intelligent enough to make everything work as you plan and in fact it seems to be like this since things work. However, something or someone inside of me is telling me constantly “one day things will go wrong, you can’t fix every thing, every time and as your will predict”

Now, I’m in that part of the way in which you find two different paths to choose, neither of them has the option of regretting and even though I’ve been trying to get around with the situation the moment of truth is getting closer as it must be. The pressure has started affecting me and I know this will be something is going to be out of my control, my hands are not going to be enough to deal with what’s coming.  

I’ve always waiting for a change in my life. I’ve never been what I would like to be. I’ve always been frustrated in spite of my success, I mean, I’ve done what I’ve proposed for myself to do. Nevertheless, when the change knock at my door I’m more than pleased to answer with a huge smile, but too scared to take the challenge. Definitely the chance is there and it’s completely different to what my dreamed life used to be, yet, looking back I realized I didn’t really have a north. I used to live a life longing to be someone else, someone not like me, clearly my future was an ephemeral desire of becoming someone else.

I’m between being the insecure person I’ve always been doing the same dull things I’m used doing, catching up with same friends who are not my real friends and the same people I’m surrounded for who seem to be busy, mentally tired and necked enough to remain loyal when you need them and yet, it’s a way in which there is every thing I know and I love. The world I’m still clinging to.

I can either choose being a new person involved in new traditions, believes, perspectives and all new things changes brings with them even the fear to the unknown which at the end it would seem to be the motor and the thrill of things worth living.

Deeply inside of me, I know taking risk is not for cowards. Most of the people throughout the history has achieved success taking risks, challenging others showing them they were the ones who were wrong, making clear that whether you want to change something or not is entirely up to you and if you really want to make difference you must stop doing same things over and over.    

Despite of the inner analysis it’s hard to turn words into practice, and sometimes I feel like one of these priests trying to convince people about things they are unable to implement in their own lifes.

Anyway, I must deal with the things life throws on my way. In some point of my life I might have to take drastic choices, maybe not the right ones, yet definitely mine because no one will choose for me and no one will take the responsibility for it.

Pros of this writing exercise: I think I have answered myself my own doubts.

Cons: I figured out I should have keep on being the same selfish person I was. When it comes to take important decisions thinking about others is not helpful at all.

Procrastination season

I’ve been thinking along this three past months what to write about in this blog and I really do find extremely hard to come up with something interesting.

Sometimes an amazing great idea appears in my mind but afterwards I realized that even though the topic was good my mind is completely blocked to do whatever I’d like to do, so I end up frustrated doing nothing and keeping on fooling around with some more unfinished ideas and projects.

I think the lack of activity is killing my imagination and creativity, I‘ve never fronted up a time in my life as unproductive as the one I’m passing through.

I’ve started to think insane thinks and I’ve involved myself on many projects you can imagine bringing none of them to life.

so here is a list of new year’s aims I’ve made, some of them I haven’t even started.

1. Even though I’m going to the gym, I thought why not making exercise  at home while you’re doing absolutely nothing. Ok I made the basic part of the task, I found some videos of body combat, yoga and pilates on youtube and I subscribed to the channels of the ones who post them, Actually I was trying to practise in the living room of my family’s small flat but for me was impossible to keep on doing it since I was so afraid of someone of my family watching me, I don’t want them to mock on me, so I must resign myself to do it when none of them are close but I’m likely to forget all the idea.
2. When I was in Auckland one of my plans was to come back seriously to the photography. In fact it’s still my will, but the problem is that all my intentions end up just being a kind of whim, and I haven’t worked in the first photo, I haven’t even had the first photo taken (well, I mean a good one).
   
   
   
   
   
3. bound to the last item of the list of what I wanted to accomplish is the one of making a photography blog. Of course if I haven’t the first photo taken it’s almost impossible to start doing something like that.
4. I started I blog as a recollection of interesting things I come across on the web. every thing went great the first 5 days but with the time I got bored, I don’t know why I hate being promoting or posting in facebook or twitter. it seems to me like if i were trying to catch somebody's attention and it’s not like that and I wonder why other people make it seems so simple. In addition I’m not good at persuading people and I think that’s one of the reasons why I ended up neglecting that blog.
5. I started to think about a personal photography project in which I could run my daily frustration and I thought about recollecting my life in picts, having a photo of myself taken daily. It’d start in a very simple way, just taking a photo in the same position every day, the results would be seen in a month when I would do a stop motion film showing my physical changes throughout the past month and so, but then, I came up with something similar but in some way different. The main idea was the same but in the second approach I would photograph myself in different situations, to be more exact, I would photograph myself in which I concider to be the most representing moment of the day. The idea hasn’t see the light yet just because I don’t want to show that basically I have a boring life and I do pretty much nothing, but who knows maybe my life might become some interesting in a few weeks and I’d be energized to finally start it.

I can make this list longer but I think I’m too lazy to finish it LOL

I hope this time ends as fast as it would be possible because I could run the risk of becoming on a procrastinating woman and I hate that but for now I think I can deal with it.  

Conventional book advantages

Even though technology, conventional books still have some good advantages

50 good reasons for not dating a photographer

Fooling around in Facebook I have found a very curious and funny post about photographers: 50 good reasons for not dating a photographer. It was hilarious and I haven’t stop laughing since I read it, and even if I don’t want I must recognize some of the reasons on the list are completely true.

I think I must come up with a list of 50 good reasons to date a photographer but for now let’s just be fair-minded and start telling the inconveniences, because someone someday told me it’s better for you to be accepted with your weaknesses rather than only for your virtues.

So here we go.

50 good reasons for not dating a photographer

     1.    They rather carry their own heavy photography equipment than walking by the hand with you.
2.       In a romantic date you probably would be thinking “what a beautiful moment , this is great” whereas they’d be thinking of preparing their camera, tripod and thinking in the exposure time.
3.       You won't be able to enjoy a movie, tv programs or merely a magazine without visual mistakes pointed up by them.     
4.       They love to sitting in dark cafes for hours to contemplate in a voyeur way people passing by.
5.        If you both go to have a walk and find out an interesting illumination, they will make you sit, stand up and pose in public so as to let them get the perfect photograph.
6.       You will never be able to enjoy your meal warm since they will spend 15 minutes taking photographs to the meal with their iPhone.
7.       They will get upset about your friends asking them for advice and tell them: what camera will you recommend? I don’t want anything professional I just want it to take nice pictures.
8.       You might need to wait more than usual for them to analyze a painting in a museum.
9.       The same situation with will happen in the book-stores.
10.   When you’re thinking they are paying their whole attention to what are you saying, they are in fact thinking about how to improve the photographs of you with the cloning and patch tool in Photoshop.
11.   They are using you not to seem pervert when looking the people around.
12.   They probably would prefer spending huge amounts of money on equipment than buying a new purse for you.
13.   You couldn’t expect to have just one try when you want to have a photo taken with them, they will always want other five more tries.
14.   When you ask to them whether you are fat or not, they will answer not to worry they can fix it up with Photoshop.
15.   If the photo doesn’t have their minimal standards, there’ll be no way to make them use Photoshop to fix it, no matter how simple it would be.
16.   Did you have a photo taken yesterday? Good luck on waiting for them to send it to you.  
17.   They spend all their time in front of the pc, not watching porn.
18.   They are not able to have a normal conversation without having to come up with random numbers and technical terms.
19.   They are still using analog cameras.
20.   They spend more time with way more interesting people than you, like models, writers and of course other photographers.
21.   They will be further meticulous about the position of simple items, for instance a cup of coffee.
22.   They won’t call you back or answer your text messages but for sure they will be posting they pictures in their blogs or social networks.
23.   They love watching old films you have never heard before.
24.   On the whole they enjoy glancing oddly things.
25.   The only one thing they envy about you is your camera.
26.   If there’s a natural disaster, they have already on a plain for getting there to take pictures.
27.   Everything has a watermark.   
28.   They think other people photos sucks.
29.   They want to make color correction to the jersey shore twilight or to any other soup opera.
30.   They hate rainbows, mostly when those are spinning.
31.   When you are with your friends and the conversation turns a bit deep, they are likely to start writing down on their Moleskine notebook.
32.   They have Moleskine notebooks no matter how expensive they were.
33.   They enjoy trespassing abandoned, old, full of dangers buildings without any concern for their own safety.
34.   They  are always wanting to show you their last photo taken without caring if you like it or not.
35.   They dread the “artistic” photo of your friend’s Facebook profile.
36.   Sunny, cloudless skies turn them sad but apparently rainy days are great for them.
37.   They take you to cultural places where you can also are taking the risk of being assaulted.
38.    Your birthday gift will be a nice photo taken by them.
39.   You can’t visit a new place without having your date taking pictures all over the place.
40.   They will always ask you to be their model.
41.   Nothing is naturally pretty; everything needs to be retouched by Photoshop.
42.   Their photo equipment means more load kilograms.
43.   If you broke some of their stuff, you’ll be in serious financial troubles.
44.   You can’t give them a Christmas present without considering spending an important amount of money for making them like it.
45.   It’s their nature to collect all stuff that may seem to inspire them, such as old newspapers, magazines, boxes.
46.   They are weird and geeks.
47.   They have got plenty of hard disks stuffed with photos but they probably only have 10 printed.
48.   Secretly, they are always judging your creativity.
49.   If you use your camera in automatic mode, they will mock on you.
50.   They get extremely excited each time they learn a new technique.
 
I must say I tent to behave like that sometimes, but not all of those reasons are true.
So what do you think?