I can’t help myself feeling frustrated, I have this burning feeling inside of my chest; It’s not leaving me alone and it’s getting bigger and bigger.
This awful sensation It’s been along with me my whole life and it seems is not going to set me free till the day I die.
I’m just simply tired of working hard to obtain things I want and I even way too tired of hearing people telling me I must be happy and grateful for all the things I’ve already done, sure, maybe I’ve reached more than the average person in my country yet, it doesn’t mean I should be conformed whatsoever.
It’s hard for me to accept this is my life, what I have to live and that I probably won’t experience all I would like just because I’m a citizen of a country with a lack of opportunities, or with opportunities for few who have enough influence or power to make them work according to their convenience.
Can someone tell me how can I do to persuade my brain and let it understand the reality in which I’m living in? it is inevitable to compare reality against what I’ve seen and lived and it’s slapping me blatantly on the face. I know comparisons are not healthy at all but I can’t help it. Probably it’s the root of my despair.
I remember like if it happened yesterday the chitchat sessions with my Russian friend Maria in which we used to talk about our fears and outlooks about our lives; For the first time in my life I felt myself understood, I know Maria is one of the few who feel exactly how I feel, her empathy towards my situation helped me realize I’m not the only one.
Situations in which we accomplished our goals but few moments later the cheerful feelings of glory seem to banish leaving for us just a bland taste in our mouths, have become on the day by day of my life.
Happiness seems to be something so ephemeral to me, drifting in the air moving as the wind goes allowing me to catch it for minimal instants, leaving as a result the dissatisfaction I’ve already accustomed to.
