I can’t help myself feeling frustrated, I have this burning feeling inside of my chest; It’s not leaving me alone and it’s getting bigger and bigger.
This awful sensation It’s been along with me my whole life and it seems is not going to set me free till the day I die.
I’m just simply tired of working hard to obtain things I want and I even way too tired of hearing people telling me I must be happy and grateful for all the things I’ve already done, sure, maybe I’ve reached more than the average person in my country yet, it doesn’t mean I should be conformed whatsoever.
It’s hard for me to accept this is my life, what I have to live and that I probably won’t experience all I would like just because I’m a citizen of a country with a lack of opportunities, or with opportunities for few who have enough influence or power to make them work according to their convenience.
Can someone tell me how can I do to persuade my brain and let it understand the reality in which I’m living in? it is inevitable to compare reality against what I’ve seen and lived and it’s slapping me blatantly on the face. I know comparisons are not healthy at all but I can’t help it. Probably it’s the root of my despair.
I remember like if it happened yesterday the chitchat sessions with my Russian friend Maria in which we used to talk about our fears and outlooks about our lives; For the first time in my life I felt myself understood, I know Maria is one of the few who feel exactly how I feel, her empathy towards my situation helped me realize I’m not the only one.
Situations in which we accomplished our goals but few moments later the cheerful feelings of glory seem to banish leaving for us just a bland taste in our mouths, have become on the day by day of my life.
Happiness seems to be something so ephemeral to me, drifting in the air moving as the wind goes allowing me to catch it for minimal instants, leaving as a result the dissatisfaction I’ve already accustomed to.
Greetings from Finland. A blog is nice to get to know people from other countries, culture and nature. Come and see the pictures you Teuvo kuvat- Teuvo images of my blog and tell all your friends to my blog. Will be the same with your country's flag to higher flag collection in my blog Teuvo Vehkalahti Finland
ReplyDeleteDear Jhennie, I understand you enough and believe me I feel the same even I'm still in nice and comfortable Auckland. I lost an interest of learning English, searching the job, talking to people. I almost cried at my work yesterday just because of this terrible sadness inside and I also started to take pills. So you are not alone for sure and not everything depends on location. Our problems and fears are inside us. Life is complicated, unfair and... it is very short as well. Think about that. After everything ends we won't be able to change what we can change now. And you know what else helps me? Think about people who lived before you, writers, musicians, artists, people you love and respect for what they did. Do you think their lives were easy, read their biographies, life is never easy for those who think and try to do something with it. And now we can enjoy their books, watch their movies, listen to their music and this inspires us to continue, to go on. Show must go on, Jhennie, we have to go on until we are alive. Miss you so much! And... we'll cope with it, won't we?
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